I noticed in your posts that you make no reference at all to Jehovah or Christ. Perhaps that was an oversight, or maybe it reveals where you might have a problem. After all, what's the point of even having a religion if there is no real relationship with God? In the several years that I have participated in forums like this, my observations are that the main reason that people fall prey to apostasy in the first place is because of not having a strong and personal spiritual relationship with Jehovah and Jesus. It is entirely possible to be "in the truth," as we say, and yet not really have the faith.
I wonder, you say that no one in your congregation cares much about you, but have you REALLY talked to anyone about your struggles? You seem to have poured your heart out here on the Internet, and gotten a lot of sympathetic responses, yet, have you gone to the same lengths to express your feelings of despair to your friends in the congregation? Sometimes these things are hard to talk about among the friends, but I am sure that Jehovah's spirit operates upon your congregation in some measure, so that's where you should primarily look for comfort and encouragement isn’t it?
Also, most importantly, the Bible, and in particular the Psalms, are immensely comforting during difficult times. Many of the Psalms in fact speak about a depressed condition of God's servants. Psalms 38:6, for example, says: "I have become disconcerted, I have bowed low to an extreme degree; All day long I have walked about sad." The Psalmists goes on to say to God: "As for my lovers and my companions, they keep standing away from my plague, and my close acquaintances themselves have stood off at a distance. But those seeking my soul lay out traps, and those working for a calamity to me have spoken of adversities, and deceptions they keep muttering all day long."
Isn’t that how you feel, “disconcerted,” abandoned? But, why should you find Psalms such as this comforting and encouraging? David was just another depressed soul, right? Well, for one thing, it lets you know that Jehovah knows how you feel. Don't you feel as if your friends in the congregation are standing off at a distance? That's how many of us feel at times. And that can be very distressing. And yet, the Psalmist’s prayer reflects absolute confidence that Jehovah has not abandoned those who look to him for salvation during difficult times.
And, whether you realize it or not, your coming to apostate JW's looking for comfort is a trap that is laid to ensnare unwary ones like yourself. That's why Jehovah inspired men to write these thoughts down, because they reflect situations that we might be confronted with at times. Sure apostates want to be your friend, sure they understand. They were once burdened like you. Now they are free, or at least that’s what they want you to think. That’s the trap that you are being set up to fall into.
The 10th Psalm describes the awful fate of those who become despondent and fall into the apostate's trap. Verse 10 reads: "He is crushed, he bows down, and the army of dejected ones has to fall into his strong claws."
There is a seeming "army of dejected ones" today that are falling victim to the mouthings of apostates. The fact that the end has not come yet, after all the years that we have been waiting and hoping, obviously has been a big discouragement to many Witnesses, and made them vulnerable to the reasonings of apostates. On top of that is the physical and emotional ills that so many are burdened with that can rob one of the joy that they formerly had serving Jehovah. Our enemies would have us believe that all of our problems are because of the Watchtower, and if you listen to them long enough you might just start believing them. Many have. But, Jehovah's word and spirit are very powerful and can keep us safe even through periods of extreme discouragement and depression. That's why I am confident that if you make extraordinary efforts to draw close to God you can keep your faith intact and come off the victor. / You Know